Wednesday, January 19, 2011
we actually did the opposite...
... The holidays for us were not what we had intended, and the emotional strain that resulted in this period caused some serious concern on how things were going to move on. Could we find a find a solution that fosters the peace and happiness we have so desired in the home? The one thing we were certain of was the need to change our approach...it was clearly not working.
...I truly believe that regardless of whether or not you are dealing with Autism, there always comes a time where a shift in parenting needs to occur. Even with our youngest, we have found the need to change our approach as he developed and grew. What once worked so beautifully at three may not be working anymore at four, and it often takes a few weeks of frustrations to finally realize that a shift needs to occur.
..With our eldest, the shifts are more dramatic, and the the moments in between can often leave you feeling helpless and lost. After hearing some unwanted advice about what we should do (you may be able to make sense of it in the above image...), I took a step back and realized it was time to make that shift again...albeit a much more positive one that would respect the wonderful person that he is.
...I needed to let go a bit more, and give him more freedom and independence to do things without me looking over his shoulder all the time. Letting him accomplish some more challenging tasks without my watchful eye changed the way he felt, and allowed him to feel the respect I have for him. He wanted me to ask him questions, and thus allow myself to be the learner...it made him feel good, and I soon realized that this was one of those shifts that needed to occur. He wasn't feeling the respect that I had for him, because I wasn't showing it enough.
He was showing me that, and for a long time I didn't see it. Now I do, and because of that, the peace and calm we so loved having has returned.