Thursday, December 16, 2010

I was the one not quite ready....


** don't forget about the giveaway on the previous post! Thanks so much to all of you who have entered thus far...good luck! ***




...I was the reluctant one. Ever since I first laid eyes on the movie "A Christmas Story", I knew instantly that when I had kids, sharing a room would be a must. The two single beds placed perfectly with a table in between was the only reason why they have shared a room since little M was 9 months old. (I am also a little obsessed with that movie...) And every night since then, I have thoroughly enjoyed peeking in as they slept soundly side by side. Sure, there were moments that proved troublesome when trying to get them to sleep at an appropriate time (especially when little M moved out of the crib. There were many a night of screams from big A protesting, "he won't stop climbing on top of me!", and many more nights of hearing little feet running back and forth for what seemed like an eternity.), but the overall pluses of sharing a room made it all worthwhile. The conversations were always fun to eavesdrop on, and this was usually the time that both boys got along really well. Phrases such as, "wouldn't it be awesome if..", and "do you want to hear something cool?" became quite popular as they got older, and both found more enjoyment in conversing with one another. (There were plenty of moments when little M was too young to converse back and forth with big A. It was often a case of big A wanting to talk, but little M just finding pleasure in shouting out potty words and jumping on big A)



..So when big A started approaching me with the idea of moving to his own room, I was quite reluctant. I thought about it for a while, and after the umpteenth request, decided it was worth a try. The spare room was quickly painted, and "cooler" stuff was arranged just so on the shelf.

...That night he went to bed excited, but at the same time quite nervous about being alone for the first time in 6 years. I had to lay with him down to sleep, and as I did so, found myself feeling quite sad. The room seemed so empty....there was no little body nearby sleeping soundly, and the room just seemed so "empty". Once asleep, I went downstairs and spent the rest of the night "mourning" the loss of what I had loved so much about them being together.

..A couple of nights went by, and as the fears of being alone faded away, a new and older boy started to emerge...a boy that thrived in the feeling of independence as he read himself to bed at night. No longer did the lights have to go out when mummy left the room in order for both boys to fall asleep quickly. He was now old enough to be allowed an extra 20 minutes to read with the light on, and given the important job of following mummy's instructions to turn it out himself at the designated time. And every night since then, I have crept up the stairs and watched as the light goes at exactly the right time, knowing that in that room lies a boy who is loving this new sense of independence.

...It was time, and I am just so thankful for the wonderful years they did have together.
(and I have to say, as much as I loved those long conversations, it is nice not having to call up several reminders to stop talking and quiet down...those boys have been known to go for up to three hours doing so!)


***P.S! don't forget about the giveaway!! thanks so much to everyone who has entered thus far, and how wonderful to meet so many new people! Deadline ends tomorrow!!! ***

15 comments:

lacer said...

My two share (we live in a two bed flat, so no choice) but I think my youngest (who has ASD) will find it quite hard when we one day manage to move somewhere bigger, as he loves sleeping in the same room as his big sister. Whereas I think his big sister would quite like her own room. Me and the son had a conversation about it the other day when he realised for the first time that when you're older (as in grown up older) you leave home and his sister wouldn't be sharing a room with him. At this point after processing the fact that his sister would, one day, not be in the same bedroom as him, he worriedly asked would he have to leave home to and I said of course not, lots of grown ups still live with their mummies and daddies, to which of course he was quite relieved.

mummysam said...

Lacer...thanks for the comment. My eldest has aspergers/anxiety disorder, and the togetherness has brought a lot of comfort to him as well. We actually moved him out because he was at a point where he needed a place of his own for those moments where he needed his own space to calm down. After the initial adjustment, things are going well...he is 7 1/2 and was ready. You do what works best for your own family, right? personally, I wish they were sharing for much longer!

Marshmallow Beanie said...

I loved reading the beautiful story about your boys growing up. Thank you for sharing such lovely reflections
x

tangled sky studio said...

Last year in our rental my two boys (5&11 then) shared a room and it was such a great experience. The bedrooms in our really old house are barely big enough for one much less two boys and it made me a bit sad too. It sounds like your timing was perfect : )

tangled sky studio said...

oh and- i think my boys room is the same color (silver sage?)

mummysam said...

thanks marshmallow beanie!
and Beth...hmmm...great minds think alike? Actually, I cannot remember the name of the colour..it's a Martha Stewart one, and looks exactly like a room in one of the scenes from Mad Men (another reason why you need to watch it!!)

Patrice A. said...

I could have been me, writing this post!

I still miss the time our boys slept together in one room. But my eldest (who will turn 13 next month) needed a room for himself. Especially during the day. Deep down he still likes to sleep with his brother and even us, as we do in the summerhouse, or our boat.
As you I liked to watch them while they were sleeping, like angels.
They grow so fast....

Thank you dear mummysam for sharing the story.

And yes, we are the ones not quite ready for the changes!

Leila said...

I'm obsessed with that movie too!

What a lovely story.

mummysam said...

Patrice, thanks for sharing your story as well!
and Leila...I don't think I will ever get enough of that movie. It's part of me....lacy leg lamp and all :)

Sheila said...

This post really brought back some memories for me! My younger sister and I have always had our own rooms, but I had bunk beds that were often arranged just as you described (two twin beds with a table between) and so we had many slumber parties. I loved chatting with her as we fell asleep, and sharing my space with her. Now that we're "grown-ups" (reluctantly) we're still close, and I think that's partly due to the time we spent together as children. :)

karoliinahv said...

me and my younger brother and sister shared a room until i was nine, then we moved and i got my own room which i was very glad of for a long time. i liked to sit alone and read books all day and actually it took until high school when i kind of re-befriended my sister - we all got along well all the time, but i remember the moment one summer when we were talking and i thought to myself: "where was my mind? such a great person has been living with me all this time and i didn't notice?" and we have been bestest of friends ever since; with my younger brother it happened a little later. but when i went to university and moved out, when i visited home, i started to notice how my sister and brother shared a different kind of connection, they had their own jokes and their own stories - like they knew each other much better than i did either of them and that's probably true as they shared a room until my sister was sixteen. even now when we're all grown up (and still get along very-very well) i feel a bit sad about missing out on that kind of experience. when i'll have my own family one day, i'll look for a tiny house, so i can force my children to live in the same room - one day they'll be grateful!
(but then again, if i wouldn't have had all that time to sit alone and read in my teens, i might be properly crazy now - really difficult to have it all).

Leisa said...

Thank you for sharing your lovely story. It touched my heart so. Tears were streaming down my face once I reached the end. We have four, and three are in the same room together now. The baby hasn't joined them yet. The room isn't large, so all three beds are in a row–I love to peek in after they have fallen asleep, and see them all together. I know the day is coming that our oldest, now 8, will need his own space—I am holding on to these moments left. It just goes by so quickly.

mummysam said...

thank you so much for sharing your personal stories...and I really do hope my boys will remember the times they had together in their room (although I am ready at a moment's notice should my eldest decide he wants to go back...this was definitely his decision, and one of those moments where I just had to step back. I just better not watch "A Christmas Story" this year...it will just traumatize me too much!) Yes. I still miss peeking in and seeing those sleeping bodies. Yes. I miss hearing their conversations. But I have to remind myself that my eldest son is happy with his space at this particular moment. Happy that he can put collections on the shelf that won't get disturbed, and even more happy that he gets too keep the light on later than his brother :) They are also sleeping in later now as well, with the one not being awakened prematurely by the other. (which I don't mind! Having boys that are early risers, this one has been a plus....)

Oh how hard it can be sometimes to let things happen before you yourself are ready!

Andi said...

What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing that. I really needed it. We only have one son and we had to go to the ER tonight - he fell backward in a high chair in a restaurant and hit his head on the floor. Terrifying moments for any parent, but he's fine. This story really warmed my heart. I am always touched by the little moments and things that touch other parents.

Annie said...

I can't believe that you posted this in December, I thought it was in February ( at least it felt like it). Well, remember how I commented that I hope my kids won't be changing rooms anytime soon ( since I already renovated their room last year)? Just a little after you posted...they wanted to sleep in two separate rooms and seeing the situation ( it absolutely reminded me of what you described) I had to give up. Now 3 months later I still get up at least twice a night to check on them...I can't get used to the idea they are not together and so "far" away from me. :-( Does it get any better ( for moms I mean, the kids are happier than ever)?