Monday, November 29, 2010

he needed that (well, we all needed that...)

:: he needed this hot cup of cocoa, and we all needed the crisp walk around the lake that soon followed.

:: Within a lap of running through the trails and discovering new dwellings, we were all living in a moment of happiness and relief. The stresses that can come with the unpredictable nature of the holidays were behind us, and instead we were laughing and just enjoying the present. My husband looked at me with this "oh man, how glad I am we are here" kind of look, and I quickly reached over and gave my eldest son a rub on the back.

:: We are still learning when it comes to figuring out all of the kinks that comes along with the way my son's mind thinks. What for many people can be a great excuse to eat massive amounts of food in the mid-afternoon, becomes a source of intense stress for him. To him, meals are at three designated times of the day, and having dinner at 2:30pm makes no sense. I had just finished cooking the day away, and wanting nothing more than to enjoy a glass of wine and enjoy the "fruits of my labour". Listening to the protests upset me, and admittedly made me resentful.
It was the holidays, and I just wanted to enjoy this nice meal.

:: Then I looked up. I looked up and saw somebody so tense and hurt. I could see his pain, and immediately understood. I should have expected this, and even more so, planned our meal time more appropriately. But I sometimes forget, as I think many of us do when raising children. It's definitely been a learning process, and although I pick up many ideas and suggestions, those same ideas and suggestion can get lost and you forget your way. You find yourself consoling a little body that cries out, "nobody hears me sometimes", and then you remember. He leaves the table having eaten only one bite, and you happily let him go knowing that when 5:00pm rolls around, he will be ready. And we we all be there to celebrate Thanksgiving with him.

(Although the nature of the holidays can bring about a lot of unexpected stresses and upsets, there are many tips out there on how to help your family create a fulfilling and memory loving experience. I have found many a helpful suggestion here ....)


Jill said...

It's not just your son. :) All of our kids were so confused by the odd lunch time and the lack of nap time. We hadn't forgotten their need for a schedule, but grandparents planning the Thanksgiving meal had. Luckily all survived. Thank you for being so utterly honest with us about parenting. It helps me.

monica lee said...

Thanks for sharing, bending, doing what mum's I want some cocoa. I ordered you book and can't wait to sink into it!

mummysam said...

thank you both! Motherhood can be so "challenging", with every stage needing adjustment and off for some hot cocoa of my own :)

and monica...I hope you enjoy the book!

Amber said...

Yes, a break in routine is often a cause of stress here too, so I can imagine it is intense for your son. You are doing a great job being sensitive to his needs and learning to catch yourself when you aren't - and not beating yourself up over it. Your honesty and reflection over this speaks volumes about you as a mother.

betsy said...

Sam, this post was just what I needed to read after a parenting low yesterday. I was feeling so desperate for a do-over. After wallowing in guilt I eventually decided to believe that paying close attention to my mistakes makes me a better and more compassionate mother. It also gives me a chance to show my girls the power of an apology and the importance of always trying to do better. Thanks for that. I truly appreciate your honesty. xx